Ok so the life lesson at our church right now is titled Doubt...doubt about all things: does God really exist, God's will for our lives, and any other doubts you have regarding God and his relationship with us on a community level as well as a personaly level.

This week we talked about Jonah and God's plan for his life and for our lives. The question was posed what is our Nineveh? Meaning what is God calling us to do that we think we either shouldn't, can't or won't do for whatever reasons those are? What are we afraid will happen if we just live in God's grace and will/plan for our lives? Are we afraid of giving complete control over to someone we can't see? Are we afraid of trusting someone so completely that what we do even when we do something matters not? Those are frightful things but God is so much bigger then that. Look outside one night and just lay there what do you see? The night time sky littered with stars and planets. Did God create that? In Genesis its states that God created all earth, sky, moon, sun, stars etc... now if God can create that such beautiful yet unknown to it's fullest what's to say His plans for our lives can't be as beautiful and full of unknown for us.

We will always have doubts and wondering hearts but the bottom line is God says who He is in plain terms I AM. He will be there no matter what is going on in your life and the knowledge that He is behind this life and this plan is comforting to know.

Well it's official I know I shouldn't be getting on the scale here at home but I just couldn't help it. I have officially (according to our scale anyway) gained back 10 of the 30lbs I lost in the first 3months since my lap band surgery.

I know I shouldn't blame it all on the fact that I haven't been able to have a fill since December because my port got dislodged and flipped over. We are currently STILL waiting for our new insurance to approve the surgery to adjsut the port. I know I have not been following a strict low fat low/no sugar diet. I guess instead of beating myself up over it starting tomorrow it should go back to strict strict strict diet and get back into the gym!!!!!!!!


I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK OK OK so why does what people think and feel about us matter so much.

Why do we strive to make sure our parents like us, our friends like, and even strangers for that matter......The thought of having someone out there mad, upset or dissatisfied with us is terrifying. I want to know why is that? Why can't we just be satisfied with who we are, what we are and what God has made us to be. Even with all our flaws... no one is perfect...we know that in our heads but why does our heart feel that just because we aren't we are flawed.......

Life can take many roads. Long ones, short ones, windding ones, narrow ones, uphill ones, down hill ones but they all seem to lead back to the same place.

So why is making decisions on your life so hard. We are told as Christians that God never promised an easy road but that He would be with us through it all.

I am trying to decide what to do about my relationship with a religious order that I once was sure God was calling me to enter into service with. That is before he placed Richard in my life. I still feel an affinity to them but really no connection. When I left Connecticut to start my new life with Richard, I left behind my old one. I had thought with my connection with the order it would still be there. But as time has gone on I do not get home as often as I had hoped, and when there feel disconnected from all those I came to know and love.

There is a time and a season under heaven they say..... so was this connection only for a season? only for a time? or in my discontent with things in life and my relationship with my King am I possibly throwing away or rather walking away from something I shouldn't????